I'm passing your future prison.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
