I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
