come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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