Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
