"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
