Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
