this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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