are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
