she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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