someone owes me an orgasm
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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