I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
