I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
tell me about the eggs
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
