First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's blow job season.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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