A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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