I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
