that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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