she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Still dying that you shit outside
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
