we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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