how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
