I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
