Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
