Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
