I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
