this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
