The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
