Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Never underestimate the power of titties
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
