mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
