So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
