Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I touched a dick in church today
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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