i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
