i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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