i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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