Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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