Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
