my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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