He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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