How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
