During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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