Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And then my night got REAL pukey
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
