We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
