i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
