Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
