got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
