I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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