he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
