dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
