i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she told me i tasted like america
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
