just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
