Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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