just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
