I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
